The Moving Decision

It looks like we are going to be leaving Abu Dhabi in a few months. This is about 3 years sooner than we had originally thought might be the case, but Jim has been offered an amazing new job back in the U.S. and, after carefully weighing the pros and cons, we have decided to take it. This decision has had me thinking and remembering our decision to move here a year and a half ago. This post is about lessons learned. If you face the decision about whether or not to move here with questions answered, or at least knowing what questions to ask, then you'll be better prepared.

When my husband was offered a job in Abu Dhabi, we, like many of you, thought, "Where??" The job was a wonderful opportunity for Jim, so we knew we had to consider it and when we visited in April of 2009 we were really taken by the place. So then we started researching. We decided that we could adjust to the climate. We had both once lived in Texas, which gets really hot in the summer, so we thought Abu Dhabi couldn't be much hotter than that. Wrong! Be prepared to take pets for walks only after dark or around sunrise. And be prepared to spend most of your time indoors from May through September. Thankfully, there are lots of air-conditioned indoor play centers at the malls here (and there are lots of malls). You can even go skiing indoors in Dubai!

We had lived in places where the traffic was a challenge, so we thought Abu Dhabi's traffic couldn't be any worse than sitting in stop and go traffic in Silicon Valley. Wrong again! There are traffic laws in Abu Dhabi and even radar equipped cameras to deter speeders (and people tell us it is much better than it was five years ago), but some drivers appear determined to simulate Formula One race conditions on busy streets. You need to stay alert and drive defensively here. And we've never gotten used to the fact that public safety campaigns to have kids in car seats or at least to wear seatbelts are just beginning here. Progress is being made, but change will take time.

Left-turn lanes? How about a left from the lane next to the turn lane? Or the lane next to that? You have to be prepared for other drivers to turn from any lane at any time. Pedestrian-right-of-way? Not much chance in Abu Dhabi, though being here does sharpen your senses and make you more alert as a pedestrian. We once lived in New Hampshire where pedestrians always have the right of way, and people there believe in that right so much that they cross the street s-l-o-w-l-y and in random places. If you're from New Hampshire and considering moving here -- watch out for cars because they will not wait for you. And if you are in Abu Dhabi and travel to New Hampshire, please brake for pedestrians and wildlife!

We learned that some of the homes (called "villas" here) in Abu Dhabi have construction issues. We had lived in homes or apartments with "problems" before, so we thought we could manage anything that might come up. Not quite! We joked that our first villa seemed to be made of a sponge material. Because the roof leaked, the walls soaked up the rain. (Yes, it does rain here from time to time and there are a few downpours in the winter.) During a particularly heavy storm, water poured from our kitchen ceiling and we caught it in large coolers. There were puddles around nearly every window. Paint bubbled up and peeled. Mold grew on the wall in our kids' room. So we moved to a new villa. It hasn't rained since we moved, so we're just hoping this one is built better. For some inexplicable reason, light bulbs burn out faster here. In the first villa, and this one, we were/are constantly replacing the outside light bulbs as well as the bulbs in the stairways. You will get to know your air conditioning technician, electrician and plumber very well. Put their numbers on speed dial and don't forget that an occasional tip for great service will be very much appreciated.

As a parent, you want to know that your kids will be happy wherever you live -- and school is a huge part of that, so we researched all of the school possibilities before moving here. We got input from people we knew who already lived in Abu Dhabi. The Human Resources team had already gathered lots of information on schools and passed it along to us. These folks were all fairly new to Abu Dhabi as well, so they were learning along with us. We were naive to think we could pick the one we liked and our kids would, of course, get in. Not so easy! We got reassurances from the employer that it wouldn't be a problem, but it was, at least at the beginning! We arrived a few weeks before the start of school only to find out that one son was "in" but the other was on a waiting list. He was finally "in" after missing the first week of classes. We believe the delay was due to AJ's special needs. So, the lesson learned is to apply to several schools and be prepared to make a trip here to do assessments/interviews.

There are many great schools here, but competition for admission is tough. They all have waiting lists because sometimes they don't know if a student will be returning or not until the very last minute. Parents may hold off on telling the school that they're moving so they can keep their options open. Special needs for your child can make the school's decision to accept them more difficult. In our case, the special support teacher at the school we applied to also had to assess AJ. Please refer to my earlier post on questions to ask potential schools regarding support for special needs.

The school situation has not been easy for us in Abu Dhabi. I will not name the first school our kids attended on this blog, but the special needs support there was not good enough in our opinion. At our first parent-teacher conference, we were told by the special support teacher that if she were to have "assessed" AJ at that point, he would not have been admitted. We were told by this teacher and his regular class teacher that he was falling behind academically and that they didn't know what to do with him. They felt that the extra attention that he needed (repeated directions) was taking away from the other students. (The one positive thing they said was that he was a very sweet, loving child.) They also refused to allow any "accommodation" for him to help with his learning and focus, such as a fidget or special chair, saying "This is not a special ed school." After hearing negative feedback like this for several months, while we were doing all we could to help AJ not fall behind, we decided to look for another school. We found a school where the teachers were much more accepting and supportive of special needs kids and willing to work with us to help AJ. We moved both of our kids there in March of 2010 and have been extremely pleased with the school since then.

And now, we're moving again. How can we do this to our kids, you might be asking? We can do this because we know that they handle transitions extremely well (better than me). We can do this because we have the support of a wonderful family and friends in the U.S. (and many wonderful friends here, too). We can do this because we know AJ will receive formally mandated accommodations to help him to succeed. We will no longer be forced to supplement his education with outside tutoring or occupational therapy that we have to pay for ourselves. The struggle will not end -- we're not fooling ourselves -- but at least we'll have better and more established resources, some of which will be based in the school itself.

Living in Abu Dhabi has been very good for our kids and for our family. We have made friends from all over the world and had some incredible opportunities to travel and learn about this region of the world. We would not trade this experience for anything, but we need to keep things in perspective -- this has been one powerful experience among a number of important experiences in our lives. We will never forget this remarkable place and the people we have come to know here. And now we move on. What will I miss the most? The friends we have here. It is a great place to make friends! We will never forget Abu Dhabi and the wonderful friends who have made it such a great (if occasionally challenging) place to be!

For our kids and your kids and future ex-pat kids with special needs,
Karen
specialneedsabudhabi@gmail.com

P.S. I have not yet decided what to do about this blog when we move. If you have any ideas, please let me know. I had hoped for it to be more interactive, so I might have a sense of whether you find it helpful. Please comment and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!