My husband Jim and I have similar temperaments when it comes to dealing with AJ's meltdowns. We both tend to react by yelling too often. We forget that yelling doesn't help anything. We forget that yelling actually makes things worse. The good thing is that we balance each other out -- when I see him losing patience, I take over with calm and understanding. When I lose my patience, he takes over -- like a few nights ago.
AJ, a few days a week, has a lot of trouble at bedtime. Sunday night, he really needed a bath but was refusing to take one. (Lesson to learn: giving in once sets a precedent that's hard to undo.) We finally got him to take his bath but what followed was a complete meltdown -- slamming doors, refusing to brush teeth, refusing to put his pajamas on, screaming... anything he could think of to push our buttons. But, that's not true. He does not do this out of meanness. He's trying to tell us he needs something. I couldn't hear this that night. Jim did.
Jim calmly told me to go read with JT and then he started talking softly to AJ. They were still in the bathroom, AJ curled up on the floor. He asked him if he wanted the light turned off. He said yes. Before leaving the room, I brought in his favorite blanket to cover him while Jim continued. He just started telling him, "It's okay. Everything's okay." Then AJ started talking. He said a girl at school had called him a baby that day. Jim said, "Well, there are some things we know. One -- you are not a baby, are you? (pause, no answer) Two -- you are almost 8 years old. And three -- maybe she was just having a bad day. If she calls you a name again, maybe you could ask her if she's having a bad day." AJ listened and then stood up and said, "I want to do everything myself." So, he brushed his teeth and put on his underwear and pajamas -- all without help or nagging. Then, he picked out some of his favorite books and came in where I was reading with JT to proudly tell me he had done all of that by himself. Believe me -- we praised him royally! Yay, AJ! Yay, Dad!!
A resource guide for ex-pats living in Abu Dhabi, who have children with special needs.
Welcome to Special Needs Abu Dhabi
Raising a child with special needs can be, in itself, quite challenging. Raising a child with special needs in a new country seems to add much more to that challenge. I started this blog shortly after my husband and I, and our two sons, moved to Abu Dhabi in the summer of 2009. We lived there for under 2 years and are now living back in the United States.
Our oldest son, AJ, has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Sensory Processing Disorder. Finding the resources in Abu Dhabi to help him with his special needs was an ongoing effort. In the U.S., the public school system provides testing, accommodations, and an Individual Education Plan (IEP) for students with special needs, so we were spoiled there -- and dismayed at the seemingly apparent shortage of resources available to ex-patriot families (aka "ex-pats") in Abu Dhabi.
There are resources available in Abu Dhabi -- you just have to know where to look. Which is why I started this blog. My hope was to bring together in one place information to help parents of kids with special needs... so you will at least have a starting point. I also wanted this to be a place where we can reach out and support one another with advice and sometimes just a shoulder to lean on.
We have been back in the U.S. for about a year now, and I haven't written on the blog since the move -- until now. There have been a few parents who found the blog and wrote to me for advice -- and I have been happy to give it. I'm glad that it continues to serve its original purpose of helping ex-pat parents to find resources in Abu Dhabi to help their kids with special needs.
Recently, I have begun feeling the need to write again, but I've been unsure how to move ahead with the blog. In hindsight, I don't know if life is any less challenging in the U.S. than it was in Abu Dhabi. There are still daily struggles. I continue to advocate for my son who has ADHD -- to get him the help in school and in life that he needs in order to thrive, learn and grow. There have been steps forward and backward. I have felt hopeless and hopeful.
If you are in Abu Dhabi, or considering a move there, please leave a comment. If you know of resources that you've found helpful, let me know and I'll add them to the list. If you come across an article or book that has made a difference in your child's life, please share. Most of all, I hope you will share your stories. Wherever you are, it's good to know you're not alone.
Thanks for coming by.
For our kids,
Karen
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