Minnie's Shoe

I took down the Christmas tree today while Jim took the boys to lunch and a fun center. I kind of like doing this by myself so I can ponder over each ornament and the meaning it has for me and our family. There's the "First Christmas Together" ornament from when Jim and I first got married (three days before Christmas). There's the "Baby's First Christmas, 2003" for when AJ was almost one year old. Then there's the "Baby's First Christmas, 2004" for when JT celebrated his first Christmas. And there are all the Hallmark Keepsake ornaments which we've tried to collect every year that Jim and I have been married. We always look for a special one with the year on it and we have one for just about every one of our 26 years. Our tree is decorated with a mix of breakables and non-breakables. When we decorated the tree together this year, I tried to grab all the breakables and place them up high but, inevitably one of the kids would hang one down low. I worried that they would break one or that the cat would knock it off the tree. Jim helped me to realize that it's not about the fragile ornaments. It's about the kids wanting to take part in this special family tradition. I let go of my anxiety and enjoyed my kids and it was a wonderful time.

Shortly after the tree was up, I found something odd. It looked like a very long, tiny, uncoiled spring. I followed the length of this very long spring and found something else odd attached to the end. It was bright yellow, very shiny, pointy on one end, a little bit round on the other, with a tiny red painted bow on top. I picked it up to examine it more closely. Hmmm, glittery. Ah ha!! Minnie Mouse's shoe! Attached to Minnie Mouse's leg! Not attached to Minnie Mouse!

I love a mystery, so I went directly to the Christmas tree to see if I could find the Minnie and Mickey Mouse ornament on the tree. Not there. But down below, hiding under the tree skirt, was the cute little ornament with Minnie and Mickey riding a bicycle, with springy legs dangling -- minus Minnie's leg. Then I looked up and saw a guilty-faced AJ watching me. He said, "I'm sorry." I asked, "What happened?" He said, "I was playing with it and her leg fell off." (Hmmm.) I asked, "How did her leg get stretched out so long?" He answered, "I don't remember. I'm sorry."

My first thought was to throw it all in the trash, but that thought quickly vanished. I decided that this is a Christmas memory I want to save. So what if it's not perfect. I still love it and I love the little boy who broke it. So, I'm going to glue Minnie's extra long leg back on and let it dangle. And I'll smile every year when I see it. And, if it survives the years, maybe it'll end up on AJ's tree some day.

For our kids,
Karen
specialneedsabudhabi@gmail.com

Pick my son!

Like many other kids with special needs, AJ is not the most athletic, not the most socially-adept, not the most coordinated kid on the playground. What he lacks in ability, he makes up for in enthusiasm and sheer determination to help others have fun. He doesn't understand the rules, though, and would rather make them up as he goes. This frustrates other kids. And he doesn't get picked to play ball games at recess.

AJ has gotten in trouble at school due to his lack of social skills -- his desire to fit in, to please. Last year, another child told AJ to say a naughty 4-letter word out loud in class. He had never heard the word before, so he said it and got in trouble. I found out about it through another mom who called me that night to tell me that her child told her that AJ had taught the whole class a new word!  Then, yesterday, AJ was spurred on by a couple of other kids to switch the lights off and on while the teacher was out making copies. Today he is spending his recess inside, cleaning the white board. I worry what bigger things he'll be tricked into doing as he grows older.

We try to teach AJ the importance of game rules, but he just doesn't always get it. I don't know if it's just too overwhelming for him. I don't know if it's a memory problem. I don't know if it's just lack of coordination. All of this is a part of ADHD. I just wish to God that the rules were not so important to the other kids. I wish to God that more children made fun their main priority instead of competition and winning. I wish more children were kind-hearted. I wish more children were more accepting of differences. I think we would all have more hope for the world's future if we could just teach our children these simple things. Winning isn't everything. Being first isn't everything. Being the best isn't everything. Winning, being first and being best all have one thing in common -- everyone else loses. And for some of those who lose, they lose self-esteem. They begin to believe they're not as good as. They begin to blame themselves and to stop trying. Playground meanness can have life-long effects. Take it from someone who has been there.

For our kids,
Karen
specialneedsabudhabi@gmail.com